my bad !~

i'm sorry that i had to say those things. but i needed to hide what i felt. i'm sorry if i hurt you. i didn't mean to! i just didn't feel like saying what i felt then and there. 

i know it was wrong, but i had to do it. because i felt like if i told you the truth, you would never talk to me again. i didn't want to do it, and i truly regret it, but i couldn't help myself. 

now I don't know if you will ever talk to me again. i lied so that you won't hate me, but now i realize that by lying to you, you hate me now more that ever. i feel like the biggest idiot in the world for saying all those stupid things that i never should have said. 

i know i can't take it back, and that you won't ever forget them, but i hope in your heart you'll be kind enough to forgive me. 

but if you don't, i understand. i know that its hard to forgive me for all the things i have said. but can you at least try? because it would break me if i mean nothing at all to you. but I guess that's what happens when you lie. you break your own heart and destroy your friendship with the ones you care about most. you regret everything, but you can take nothing back, because what's done is done, and you have to live with your mistakes and your guilt for the rest of your life. i just wish that life had a restart button, or at least a time machine. so that i could go back in time and make everything right again. so that you wouldn't get hurt from all those things i did and said. so that we would still be friends. because none of that can happen now. neither you or not i will ever forget the lies i told to cover up the truth, and that's why our friendship will never be the same.

i don't think it will even exist anymore. i just wish that none of that ever happened and life would go back to the way it is. it wasn't perfect, but it was obviously better than the situation now. 

i know a million sorry's won't bring it back to what it was, but i really wish our friendship could survive something like this.